


Idyllic

by Kumi



Category: Bleach
Genre: Canon Continuation, Depression, F/M, Fluff, Friendship, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-17
Updated: 2018-06-25
Packaged: 2018-11-15 02:54:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 7,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11221791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kumi/pseuds/Kumi
Summary: Sometimes, you found yourself thinking back to your picturesque life in Soul Society before your Captain, Tosen, had defected.He had left you and Shuhei to pick up the pieces of the Ninth Division, but you found yourself picking up pieces of Shuhei, too, as your relationship fell apart. So, you ran. You ran, and you took refuge in the comfort of the World of the Living.Sometimes, you wished you could return to those halcyon days.





	1. reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which you're reunited with your best friend.

“Rangiku?” you called out from the doorway, confused. “Renji? Ikkaku? Yumichika?”

“[Name]!” Rangiku squealed, pulling you into a tight embrace. “I missed your cute little face! How could you let yourself get dispatched to the Human World without me?”

Needless to say, you almost suffocated in her bosom.

“Let go of her, Matsumoto.”

“But Captain, I haven’t seen [Name] in so long!”

“Matsumoto!” he said loudly, slightly annoyed with her insistence.

Pouting, Rangiku let you go and patted the top of your head. “I’ll give you a better hug later, when Captain isn’t around,” she whispered in your ear, winking as she turned her attention to Ikkaku’s loud shouts.

“C-Captain Hitsugaya,” you stuttered, sitting on a desk as you tried to catch your breath. “I didn’t know you were coming either.”

Grumbling, Toshiro approached you as Ikkaku threatened to grind Keigo up into meatballs for staring. You could hear Matsumoto placating the man, and it made you laugh a little.

“I wish someone would take over for me,” the captain mumbled under his breath.

Toshiro’s unhappiness with how undisciplined the others were being made you laugh. It had been a while since you had heard him complain. You were almost always with Rangiku when you weren’t doing things for the Ninth Division, which meant you spent a lot of time in the Tenth Division office watching Rangiku—and Toshiro—do paperwork.

“I guess you’re here regarding what happened yesterday,” you said to him, turning your head to look at him as he leaned against the desk you were sitting on.

He nodded. “Those were Arrancars, [Name].”

“I didn’t realize,” you deadpanned almost reflexively, and promptly realized that you were speaking to Toshiro. “O-oh, I didn’t mean any disrespect,” you stuttered, cheeks flushing. “That wasn’t meant to be rude or anything—”

“Stop worrying,” Toshiro scolded, interrupting you mid-apology. He watched you nod, and the two of you turned your attention back to Rangiku putting Ikkaku into a chokehold; you were amused, and Toshiro was annoyed at the ruckus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wowza, my first post on AO3! I honestly never thought I'd get around to posting anything on here; I'm mainly on Lunaescence under the same penname.
> 
> I've been obsessively writing this story for the past week and a half, and recently finally got around to finishing reading Bleach (and effectively giving myself closure to one of my favourite childhood series).
> 
> I hope you enjoyed the chapter!


	2. lights out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Ichigo needs a new light, everyone needs a place to sleep, and Rangiku is oddly cryptic.

“Are you sure we should be coming in through the ceiling, Rangiku?” you asked hesitantly, your body pressed against three larger, looming figures as you readied yourself to invade Ichigo’s room in what was probably the most inconvenient way possible.

“Shh, [Name]! You’re going to ruin the surprise!”

For such an uncoordinated group, you were impressed by how well they had thought through this bad idea and gotten into the ceiling in the first place. Renji pried open the light, and the five of you popped into Ichigo’s room, hanging upside-down from the ceiling.

It took all your strength not to burst out laughing as Renji broke the ceiling light in half by landing on it. Ichigo didn’t seem too happy about that, and to be fair, you would’ve been upset too. You gripped the edge of the ceiling and swung down, letting yourself land butt-first on his bed.

You crossed your legs and let yourself lean against the wall. You were busy playing with Rangiku’s hair, not paying attention to Renji’s explanations for Ichigo about the Arrancar, which were aided by Rukia’s cute drawings.

“… Rangiku wouldn’t be swayed since [Name] was already here, so Captain Hitsugaya was forced to come along to supervise,” Renji explained, making you turn to Rangiku happily.

“You came all this way to see me?” you asked, teary eyed. You were touched by Rangiku wanting to see you; you had missed her a lot in the past few months of being dispatched to the World of the Living.

Equally as emotional, Rangiku nodded. “I missed my favourite girl!” she exclaimed, pulling you into a tight hug.

“It was only a few months,” Toshiro muttered as he pushed open the window and sat along the ledge. You had wondered where he was, since he hadn’t joined the group in ambushing Ichigo from the ceiling. “Anyways… Aizen’s definitely got his eye on you, Kurosaki Ichigo.”

“Ah, it’s Captain Hitsugaya, the only one who refused to go up into the ceiling with us!” Rangiku teased, turning to her captain.

“Were you waiting up on the roof all this time?” Renji asked, turning to the captain with a surprised expression. “That’s no good! You know how you stand out like a silver-haired elementary student.”

“Shut up!” Toshiro shouted, clearly irked by the slight at his height. His eyes caught yours as you continued to fiddle with Rangiku’s hair, and you smiled at the captain. He looked away quickly, but you weren’t fazed by it much; instead, you listened as he continued to talk about the creation of Arrancars. You didn’t pay much attention to what it was he was saying; rather, you were enjoying the way his voice was almost soothing to you.

The sound of his voice becoming more serious made you turn and watch him shift to face Ichigo. Toshiro explained the divisions of Menos classes, and how Gillians were the runt of the three classes that were controlled by Adjuchas. “The third are the Vasto Lordes,” Toshiro began. “They’re the top class of Menos, and they’re equal in size to humans. There are said to only be a few of them within Hueco Mundo, but… I’ll give it to you straight. The Vasto Lordes are stronger than our captains.”

You dropped Rangiku’s hair. Your mind raced with the possibilities of what three Soul Society captains controlling the Arrancars meant. Is that why Tosen had left? To surpass his limits as Captain and rule over something much more powerful?

“If Aizen has more than ten of these Vasto Lordes under his control… it’ll be the end of Soul Society.”

The very thought was unnerving, and you sat in silence as you continued to wonder about your captain’s true intentions. You were knocked from your thoughts when Rangiku and Renji began making a ruckus about Kon.

The atmosphere shifted when Rangiku and Renji began prodding at Kon, jabbing the poor stuffed animal everywhere in an attempt to figure out how he worked. Renji reached into Kon’s mouth, searching for the Soul Candy inside as Rangiku cheered him on.

Turning to Toshiro, you crawled over to him and made him shift so that you could rest your head in your hand, elbow propped against the windowsill. “Where do you plan on sleeping?” you asked, unheard by anyone else as Renji and Rangiku got rowdier.

Toshiro let his fingers run through his hair as he shrugged. “It doesn’t matter to me. We were planning on staying with Kurosaki.”

Nodding, you laid your head down against your forearm and let yourself doze off a little. You hadn’t slept well the night before—well, frankly, you rarely ever slept well. Ever since Captain Tosen’s defection, it had been hard sleeping through the night without jolting yourself awake from dreams you couldn’t quite recall. He had been such a steady, guiding hand that led your division with finesse. None of you had seen it coming, but as the Third Seat, you felt as though you should’ve known something was wrong with your captain.

“Huh? You’re staying?” Ichigo asked, clearly caught off-guard. His loud voice startled you, and you groaned as you looked over at the boy. “But where are you going to sleep?”

Almost comically, everyone turned to look at Ichigo at the same time.

“Let me make this clear: we don’t have enough space to keep all of you!”

“Eh?!” Rangiku exclaimed, pouting. “Not even for me?”

“You’re the last person I’d allow to stay!” Ichigo sputtered, blushing. “For that matter, I have no idea why you’d think I’d allow you to stay in the first place!”

Rangiku almost immediately began unbuttoning her top, making Ichigo and Renji both sputter. You couldn’t hold back your laughter, and Rangiku winked at you.

Letting them sort out their housing situations, you turned to Toshiro again. “Urahara helped me get an apartment close to the school,” you said to him. “You can stay with me, if you want. I think Orihime misses Rangiku a lot, so having Rangiku over would be really nice for her.” You figured that Rangiku would want to see Orihime again too, and since Toshiro didn’t know Orihime that well, he would definitely be at least a little uncomfortable staying with her.

“Are you sure?” he asked, watching you as you nodded.

“You let me stay over when I couldn’t find my keys, so this is the least I can do,” you told him, spreading your arms out wide as you stretched.

After another ten minutes of shouting and arguing, Ichigo had somehow convinced everyone else that they couldn’t stay with him, regardless of what they were willing to do. You had a feeling that the latter part of his statement had been directed at a certain robust woman who had tried seducing her way into lodging. The eight of you made your way downstairs, somehow avoiding both of Ichigo’s sisters and his loud father as Ichigo kicked you out.

“Well, for now… I’ll have Orihime put me up!” Rangiku grinned, turning to Ichigo.

“What do you mean? Did you already get her permission?” Ichigo asked, confused.

“Not yet, but she’s the type that just can’t say ‘no’!” Rangiku explained happily. “Do you want to come too, Captain?”

“You really think I’d go?” he grumbled, clearly annoyed.

“Wait,” she exclaimed, turning to you and grabbing hold of both your shoulders. “[Name], can I stay with you?”

Surprised, you smiled at the woman. She leaned in as you motioned for her to come closer, and you whispered into her ear, “Captain Hitsugaya’s staying with me already, and I don’t have an extra futon. Plus, I know for a fact that Orihime misses you a lot.” Pulling away from her, you could see the knowing look in her eyes and it made you want to disappear into thin air. You knew that she knew you admired her Captain’s work ethic, but you didn’t want her thinking that you saw her captain in any other way. “I’m returning the favour from when you had taken my keys by accident and didn’t know until a week and a half later!”

“Got it, [Name],” Rangiku winked, kissing your cheek before turning to catch up to Toshiro, who was already walking away. “Captain, you should come to Orihime’s! It’ll be fun,” Rangiku said, hands held behind her back as she played dumb to his plans. She briefly debated interrogating him about staying at your apartment, but decided against it. It might’ve deterred him from actually going.

“For you, maybe,” Toshiro retorted, hands stuffed in his pocket.

“I’ll see you at school tomorrow, Ichigo,” you told him, waving to everyone else before turning to Rangiku and Toshiro’s retreating figures.

“I live in the same building as Orihime,” you said to Rangiku as you fell into step next to her and linked arms with the taller woman. “You can come hang out with me whenever you want.”

Rangiku squealed as she wrapped an arm around you and smushed you into her side. “Oh! Kira wanted me to tell you that he’s sorry,” she said.

You pulled away from her hug and looked at her. “He apologized?” you asked, brows furrowing. Why would Izuru be apologizing to you? “Did he say why?”

Rangiku had an inkling about what the apology was for. Shuhei hadn’t been in the best mood when it came to matters regarding the Ninth Division recently, and more so whenever anyone brought the topic of you up around him. He pretended to be fine around her and Izuru, but she could tell that he wasn’t. He always seemed a little angry beneath the facade he put up, but neither of them really pushed him to talk about it.

She had almost walked in once on a fight Shuhei was having with you a few months ago, but ducked beneath the window instead of entering the room and listened in. That was when she had realized Shuhei was more torn up about Tosen leaving than he let on, and that he appeared to blamed you. Izuru had apparently overheard a similar argument a few days prior when he had tried to ask Shuhei and you to go out for drinks, but neither had said anything to each other about it until after you had been assigned to the World of the Living.

They let Shuhei take out all his frustration with Captain Tosen’s departure on you. Rangiku couldn’t imagine how lonely you must’ve felt, considering how you never even mentioned it once to her.

“Not really,” Rangiku said as she shook herself out of her thoughts, grabbing onto your hand and holding it tightly in hers. She’d let Izuru explain that one to you, and she’d apologize to you formally soon, when she was more collected about her feelings and thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long chapter is long. I've honestly been so out of practice with my writing that it's been hard trying to get back into it and have my ideas come across the way I want it to.


	3. we don't talk anymore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which there is a watermelon, a ratty old t-shirt, and too many damned Arrancars.

“What do you want for dinner, Captain Hitsugaya?” you called out from your terrace. Toshiro was lounging on the roof, and you couldn’t blame him; it was a calm night with the moon high in the sky. 

“I’m not that hungry,” he said as he jumped down onto your balcony, “so whatever you were going to make is fine.” 

Smiling, you nodded at him and retreated into the apartment. You had just showered, washing off a day of grime, and had your hair pulled back in a messy, high bun. You wore an oversized T-shirt that you had taken from Shuhei when the two of you were still in the Academy. You had stuffed it into your bag when you were packing up your things for an extended stay in the Human World. 

Rangiku had gone to Orihime’s for the night. You had offered to make dinner for her but she had declined, so that meant you and Toshiro were left to your own devices. 

“Is there anything I can do?” Toshiro asked, coming up behind you to reach for a tea cup. You had made him a pot of tea, and he frowned when you swatted his hand away so you could pour it for him as a sign of respect. 

“There’s a watermelon in the fridge you can slice up, if you want,” you told him, smiling as you watched him from the corner of your eye. Rangiku had told you once that Toshiro loved watermelons, and for a moment you were thankful that you did too. “I was saving it for dessert.” 

Nodding, Toshiro sipped the tea before turning to the fridge and hauling out a huge watermelon, easily double the size of his head. “How did you even fit this in there?” 

You laughed, shifting so that he had room to wash it in the other half of the sink. You were peeling a few potatoes to make curry, and watched Toshiro scrub at the skin of the watermelon meticulously as you finished up. 

“Where’s your cutting board?” 

“Here,” you replied, nudging him with your hip to make him shift over a bit. You opened the cupboard beneath the sink and pulled out a large cutting board for him to use, and set it on the counter. “There’s a knife you can use in the drawer just under the cutting board. It’s the biggest one.” 

Following your instructions, he pulled out the knife and cracked the watermelon open down the middle. From the corner of his eye, he saw you maneuver to scratch your nose with your shoulder since your hands were starchy and wet, which drew his attention to your shirt. It was black with a single white stripe wrapping around the hem of both sleeves and the bottom. It looked somewhat tattered, with a giant, white ’69’ stamped in the middle of the back. 

“Is that Hisagi’s?” he asked suddenly, and you followed his line of sight, finding yourself looking down at your shirt. 

“Oh, yeah,” you said, feeling your lips draw into a tight line. You had worn it to sleep almost every night since coming to the World of the Living because it reminded you of when Shuhei wasn’t always angry always with you. Maybe that was why Izuru had apologized to you; maybe he felt bad about how your relationship with Shuhei had taken a turn for the worst. 

“It’s huge,” he told you, hooking his finger under one of the sleeves that reached your elbow as if to emphasize his point. 

You laughed, shaking your hands into the sink to get rid of some of the water that was beginning to run down your arm. You accidentally splashed him with some of it, though. “Oops,” you said, turning off the faucet and reaching for a towel. You apologized, dabbing at the droplets of water covering his face and arms. 

He let you dry him off as his thoughts wandered. You had always had a close relationship with Shuhei, one that rivalled the one you had with Rangiku. 

“How did you two meet?” 

It took Toshiro a moment to realize he had asked his question out loud, and when he did, he immediately felt embarrassed. 

He had caught you off guard with his curiosity, and it took all of your willpower not to say anything about the blush spreading across his face. The two of you blushed so easily—something you had learned a while back that had made Toshiro seem a lot less stoic and cold to you and more approachable. 

“Well, we met while I was a first year at the Academy,” you told him, smiling as you pulled out a cutting board. You began chopping the potatoes into large chunks. “My swordsmanship wasn’t always my big selling point, and Shuhei had always been talented with _zanjutsu_. He was a fifth year, and he had been helping me work on it. We ended up spending a lot of time together after that.” 

The look on your face had softened at the mention of Shuhei, and Toshiro noticed. 

“When I graduated, he convinced me to join the Gotei 13 rather than the Onmitsukido, which had been my original intention. And when the Ninth Division’s third seat was promoted, he recommended me to Captain Tosen to fill the position,” you explained, eyes shut as you recalled the day of your promotion. “I helped a lot with his paperwork and with the Seireitei Communications in my spare time anyways, so it wasn’t much of a jump.” 

You got lost in the memories of your life with Shuhei before your Captain had betrayed everyone. The sound of your knife hitting the wooden cutting board was the only sound that filled the room. 

After a few minutes, Toshiro found himself itching to know more. “Tosen leaving must’ve been difficult for you two to deal with,” he said, finally composing himself enough to speak with enough confidence that he wouldn’t embarrass himself further. 

The smile you gave him in response to that was sad. 

“I guess you could say that,” you replied, and Toshiro found it cryptic. 

“What do you mean?” 

Shaking your head, you collected your diced potatoes in a bowl and set them aside. “Shuhei stopped talking to me much after Captain Tosen left.” 

Toshiro was surprised. “Is that why you’re always in our office now?” he asked, setting one half of the watermelon aside as he started cutting the other half. 

“I didn’t think you noticed that,” you laughed softly, moving on to peel the carrots. “But yes, that is why. I hope you didn’t mind.” 

“You make Rangiku actually focus most of the time,” Toshiro replied. It was true; having you wait around for her made Rangiku feel guilty for taking so long, and it made her work faster to finish. She did a lot more paperwork when you were around. 

“I can barely be in the same room as him now,” you told him as you began cutting the carrots, interrupting his train of thoughts. “It hurts too much.” 

A part of you believed that it really was your fault that nobody had noticed Tosen’s change of heart. 

“Of course it hurts,” he told you, eyes focused on the watermelon slices. “He was your best friend. It’s okay to be hurt.” 

Before he could continue, a crippling _reiatsu_ overwhelmed him. A little part of him was thankful for it; he didn’t want to continue a conversation that made you recall painful memories. 

Your entire body jolted at the sudden, immense pressure. The peeler fell out of your hand, and you felt your knees buckle a little. Bracing yourself against the counter, you turned to Toshiro slowly. “Captain Hitsugaya…” 

Nodding, Toshiro reached into his pocket for a piece of Soul Candy. You did the same, and after swallowing it, you felt the familiar sensation of leaving your _gigai_. Toshiro ordered them to hide here, where they wouldn’t get hurt, and the two of you jumped onto the roof. 

“Captain! [Name]!” Rangiku shouted, having sensed the _reiatsu_ as well. She swung herself over the ledge and landed next to you. 

Grimacing, you watched as two Arrancars appeared in front of you out of thin air. 

“How do you do?” one of them asked, before appearing to _shunpo_ to Toshiro. Almost immediately, Toshiro drew his _zanpakuto_ and parried the attack. 

“I’m the Arrancar Undécimo, Shawlong,” the Arrancar said. 

“I’m Captain of the Tenth Division, Hitsugaya Toshiro.” 

Without further formalities, the two jumped away onto another building. You couldn’t hear them q, but you were more focused on the creeping feeling that something wasn’t right with your _zanpakuto_. You couldn’t hear its voice clearly, and it sounded muffled in your mind. This wasn’t the first time you had used a _gigai_ , but every since coming to the World of the Living this time, every time you left it to deal with a Hollow, there was a nagging feeling that something wasn’t right. You had brushed it off every time, having been in a rush to get things done. 

Your eyes widened upon the larger Arrancar’s movement, and you ducked instinctively, only to feel his large arm swing at where your head used to be. 

“Rangiku!” you shouted, watching as she narrowly avoided his fist. 

Just as you were about to side-step him, you felt the Arrancar’s foot slam into your side, throwing you across the roof and into the next building. Despite his size, he was surprisingly fast. You groaned at the impact, despite how you tried not to. You thought you had heard Toshiro shout your name, but couldn’t turn to look. The kick had definitely snapped a few ribs, but you couldn’t pay any heed to the pain blooming in your side. 

Drawing your _zanpakuto_ , you blocked the Arrancar’s next advance. He dashed at you, fist swinging with all his weight behind it and smashing into the building right where you once were. Your flash-step was instinctive and immediate, and you landed on the roof of that very building. The Arrancar followed, grinning down at you. 

You felt a surge of annoyance, wanting to wipe that smug look right off his face. You could’ve gone with hand-to-hand combat, but didn’t want to risk tearing it considering you didn’t know what other abilities Aizen’s Arrancars had. Brushing your fingers along your blade, you whispered, “Burst into flames, Homura.” 

You waited, but… 

Nothing. 

Homura wouldn’t respond to you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew, almost forgot to update this. I'm hitting the 50k mark with this story, which makes it my longest to date.


	4. lift the limit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which there are broken bones, a response from Soul Society, and an all too familiar Reiatsu.

You collapsed next to Rangiku, unable to catch your breath properly. ‘This bastard probably broke a few ribs,’ you thought begrudgingly. Your arm ached as well from a wide gash down the length of it, making you grimace a little. 

Looking up, you watched as Shawlong Koufang released his Zanpakuto. The bones that now covered his body made you feel uneasy with how much his release resembled yours. 

Your mind wandered for the briefest of moments, but you were brought back by the feeling of your entire body go numb upon seeing Shawlong’s long claws slice into Toshiro. You could hear him wheezing, even from how far away you were. “C-Captain Hitsugaya,” you whispered, glancing anxiously at Rangiku. You saw her tighten her grip on the radio in her hand as she watched her captain’s fight, waiting for orders. 

Shawlong sliced through one of Toshiro’s wings, and you watched as the ice regenerated. The petals behind him were slowly crumbling away, though, and it made you anxious. 

“You called yourself the Arrancar Undécimo,” Toshiro said suddenly, making you turn your attention back to him. “That means you’re the eleventh. Does that make you the eleventh strongest of the Arrancar?” 

Shawlong smirked. “No. Our numbers are not a strength hierarchy, but a birth order for those below me.” 

Your brows furrowed. 

“When we are changed from Hollow to Arrancar, we are given numbers from eleven onwards by order of birth. Those of us with especially outstanding killing abilities are given the numbers 1 through 10, by order of their abilities. These ten are called the Espada. The number they were given is branded on their body,” Shawlong explained. “They are given authority to control the lower-numbered Arrancar. The strength of the Espada is in a different league from ours.” 

You wanted to wipe that smug smirk right off his face with your first. 

“One of those Espada is with us right now,” he added. 

The arrogant lilt of his voice was beginning to really rub you the wrong way. But, hearing that made your stomach churn. Is that who Ichigo was fighting? You could see his Reiatsu—black, with a bright blue outline—and Rukia’s white Reiatsu not too far from where you were, but with them was an unfamiliar blue one. 

You were startled by the sudden surge in the blue Reiatsu’s pressure, and watched as the other Arrancar turned away from you and Rangiku. That must’ve been the Espada. 

“Is it ready yet?” you whispered nervously, eyes on the Arrancar in case he decided to turn his attention back to you. 

She shook her head. 

The Arrancar must’ve seen Rangiku’s movements, because he turned back to face you. “They’re still breathing,” the Arrancar grumbled, taking steps towards the two of you. He went for Rangiku first, making you bite your tongue. He approached slowly, dragging his feet and kicking up dust as he did. It made you want to sneeze. 

“Tenth Division Lieutenant, Matsumoto Rangiku!” the radio in her hand bellowed. “Your request for Gentei Kaijo has been granted!” 

Upon hearing the radio, the Arrancar’s foot came slamming down on Rangiku, but she swiftly blocked it with her forearm as she thanked whoever was on the other end of the line. Rangiku shouted Toshiro and Renji’s names. 

“We’ve been granted the Gentei Kaijo!” 

Upon leaving Soul Society, they had Gentei Reīn placed on their spiritual energies that kept them restricted to being able to use about twenty percent. Gentai Kaijo released the seal on their spiritual energy, allowing them to use their full power. This only applied for anyone that was a lieutenant or captain. 

You felt yourself breathe a sigh of relief. 

“When you first got here,” Rangiku began, blocking the Arrancar’s attack with her Zanpakuto, “you moved with incredible speed. What was that called?” 

Grinning, the Arrancar demonstrated for her. “Sonido.” 

“I see!” Rangiku said, retaliating with her own flash step. “Ours is called Shunpo.” She sliced right through his armour, and you watched as she released her sword. “Growl, Haineko!” 

Rolling out of the way, you bit your lip. You were just a bystander at this point, having no true purpose in the fight after being basically rendered useless. With the limits released on their spiritual powers, there was no point in even bothering to try; they would finish off the Arrancars within minutes. 

The sudden arrival of a familiar Reiatsu where Ichigo and Rukia were made you freeze. “Captain Tosen?” you wheezed, feeling a sharp jab in the middle of your chest. Had your ribs really been broken that severely? There was so much adrenaline rushing through you that you hadn’t even realized the extent of your own injuries. You felt so weak in that moment. 

With a start, you realized Shawlong had begun to run away from Toshiro’s Bankai. Almost effortlessly, though, the captain’s Zanpakuto pierced the Arrancar through and through, effectively freezing him whole. You shivered a little, from both the cold and how large of a gap in power there was between your powers as a mere third seat and his as a captain. 

Just then, you felt Tosen’s Reiatsu disappear along with the Espada’s. 

The ice suddenly shattered, leaving Toshiro standing just as his wings began to crumble. Toshiro’s wounds reopened and he collapsed, falling from the sky and towards the roof. The way he fell unnerved you; it looked like he was dead. 

“Captain Hitsugaya!” you screamed. Mustering the last bit of energy in you, your pitiful Shunpo allowed you to reach the captain in time to cushion his fall a little, despite how your leg protested with an almost crippling pain from having been forced to flash step. A pain radiated throughout your chest as well with the added weight of the captain—further proof that the stupid Arrancar had broken your ribs—but you were relieved that you had been able to soften the impact of Toshiro’s landing. 

Upon seeing that the two of you were at least alive, Rangiku ran towards in the direction of her Gigai. “Orihime!” she shouted, almost throwing herself off the railing of the roof . “Come quickly! Please!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm kind of torn between whether or not I want to italicize terms like 'zanpakuto' or just capitalize them the way the Bleach wiki does.


	5. uncertainty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which there is healing, confusion, and frustration.

Watching Orihime finish healing Toshiro’s wounds gave you some peace of mind; you were almost certain he would fully recover. As she stood and stretched a little from having been hunched over for so long, you called her name. 

“I think that Arrancar broke a few ribs and my leg, Orihime,” you told her apologetically, asking if she would also heal you. She motioned for you to lay down, and the warm glow of her spell enveloped you almost immediately afterwards. 

You began thinking. Why hadn’t Homura responded to your release incantation? You couldn’t hear your partner’s voice anymore… you couldn’t even access the spirit’s inner world, where Homura could always be found. You grit your teeth together as you tried to figure out why. Was Homura unhappy with you? 

“That should do it,” Orihime told you. The sound of her voice brought you out of your thoughts, and you smiled at her despite how empty you suddenly felt. 

“Thank you,” you said, but when you tried to sit upright, she held you down firmly by the shoulders. 

“You need rest, [Name]. You’ll strain yourself,” Orihime told you, eyebrows furrowed in worry. You nodded and let yourself lie back down, your hands balled into tight fists as you felt the familiar dig of your nails against your palm. 

“Captain!” Rangiku exclaimed as he came to. 

You turned to look at him as best you could while lying down, but Orihime had been right—you felt lightheaded from just that small movement. Maybe the adrenaline had finally worn off. 

The boy struggled to stand despite Rangiku telling him not to; he had just been bandaged up and needed to rest, but Toshiro never knew when to stop working, even if it killed him. As he looked around, he realized you were alone as Orihime left you to tend to Rangiku’s injuries. While the two were distracted, he made his way over to you. 

“Are you alright?” he asked, kneeling by your side as you turned to look at him. 

Nodding slightly, you took in his current state; how limp he had felt earlier when he had landed on you scared you more than you wanted to admit. “And you, Captain Hitsugaya?” 

“I’ll live.” He sat next to you in silence, watching you. 

You weren’t totally there, and Toshiro could tell. Your mind was a million miles away, thinking about something else, and it made him worry a little. You were usually focused and in-the-moment, so it must’ve been a pressing issue. He chose not to say anything. 

You bit your lip, hard. Homura had been in bad moods with you before and had refused to fight as a result, but never in critical situations like that. No, even if Homura were upset with you, you’d still be able to get into his inner world, too. He’d never deny you that. 

_So what the hell was wrong?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter is short, but I hope you enjoyed it!


	6. comfort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which there's anxiety, a short temper, and comfort.

You found Toshiro on the rooftop of the school, writing up his report to Soul Society about the night before. Sitting down next to him, you hugged your legs to your chest and let your head rest against your knee. 

“Captain Hitsugaya,” you mumbled, fingers fidgeting with the fabric of your socks. “Can I talk to you?” 

He gave you a small scowl for interrupting him mid-thought, but put the phone down and nodded. “Go ahead.” 

You averted your eyes from the intensity of his gaze. “I can’t hear Homura anymore.” 

“Your Zanpakuto?” He sounded incredulous. 

Nodding, you shifted a little, nervous. “I recited Homura’s release incantation, but nothing happened. It’s radio silence in my head too, and I can’t even get into his inner world.” 

“So you’ve tried Jinzen?” 

“How do you think I came to that conclusion?” you snapped suddenly, despite how you wanted to keep your temper in check. Jinzen was the only way to hear a zanpakuto’s spirit properly; it strengthened the relationship between Shinigami and spirit. Of course you had tried it. 

Your temper was on a short leash today, and you felt the tears fill your eyes; frustration made you cry, regardless of whether or not the tears were warranted. You also got more frustrated when you cried, which didn’t help alleviate any of your anxiety, either. You tried to force the tears down this time. 

Toshiro ignored your snapping and reached over to pat your head, as if you were a child. 

Feeling his hand on your head was comforting, but it didn’t keep you from crying. You bit down on your lip, trying to focus on that sharp pain rather than the one in your heart. 

“Here,” Toshiro muttered, reaching into his pocket for a handkerchief. He dabbed at your chin, and it was only then that you realized you had been biting yourself so hard that you drew blood. “You’ll figure this out.” 

His eyes met yours, and you felt a little more at ease than before. His unwavering confidence was able to soothe you a little.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who's leaving kudos/reading this story! I really do appreciate you all <3


	7. jealousy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which you can't help but feel the tiniest bit envious of Hinamori, dishwashing helps you think, and watermelon seems like a good idea.

You pressed your back to the wall in Orihime’s apartment corridor. You had gone over to bring her some ice cream in thanks for helping you out, but had almost intruded on Toshiro’s conversation with Momo. Nobody had answered the door, and after waiting around for a while, you realized her front door was unlocked and let yourself in. 

Their banter put a smile on your face, but it also made you jealous. The only ones you would be able to speak back and forth to like that with would’ve been Shuhei, Rangiku, and Homura, but two thirds of the list were no longer available. 

“Hinamori!” Toshiro scolded, but you could tell he wasn’t serious—there was no conviction behind his tone. “Don’t make me repeat myself. It’s not ‘Hitsugaya’—it’s ‘Captain Hitsugaya’.” 

There was always a warmth in his voice whenever he spoke to Momo; it was clear as day that he had a soft spot in his heart for this childhood friend. 

Now, why did that thought make your heart ache the way it did? 

With your lips pressed into a tight line, you went to the kitchen and put the ice cream into the freezer. Leaving a note on the counter for Orihime, you left without saying anything to Toshiro. 

“[Name]?” 

You looked up and found Rangiku standing in front of your door. Your feet had brought you to your doorstep without much thought. 

“Rangiku. Were you waiting for me?” you asked as you reached around her to unlock the door. You were glad to see her, and was wondering how she almost always had the best timing when it came to dropping by to see you. 

“I got some snacks and sake, so I thought you’d want to share!” she replied, holding up a plastic bag. “Are you busy right now?” 

Shaking your head, you opened the door and motioned for her to go in. “Not at all. Your timing is perfect, as always,” you laughed, taking the bag from her. “How did you get your hands on sake?” 

Rangiku winked at you. “It’s a secret!” 

“You’re supposed to be a high schooler. You’re going to get yourself arrested.” 

Just as Rangiku was about to respond, the front door opened and the two of you peeked through the doorway. Toshiro looked tired as he kicked off his shoes. 

“Captain Hitsugaya, do you want some tea?” you called from the kitchen as you poured the bag of dried persimmons into a nicer bowl for Rangiku. You did the same for the amanatto. Rangiku had told you once that Toshiro loved the snack—the beans were simmered with syrup and covered with sugar after drying. 

“Oolong would be nice,” he told you after a moment of thought. He heard you hum in response as you filled the kettle and set it on the stove. He walked through the doorway and sat down next to Rangiku in front of the island, his head almost slamming flat against the stone counter. 

“Is everything alright, Captain?” Rangiku asked, a piece of persimmon dangling from her mouth as she unstacked the sake cups. 

“Matsumoto, it’s five in the afternoon. Are you really drinking?” he quipped back. 

The sound of running water filled the room as Toshiro closed his eyes and Rangiku poured the bottle of sake into the serving flask. It was a pretty turquoise colour that faded to white around the opening, and Rangiku couldn’t help but admire it as she waited for you to finish making tea. 

You hummed softly as you washed the dishes you had left to soak that morning when you were running late for class; you had tossed all the dirty dishes into the sink before you grabbed your bag. There had been some yelling at Toshiro to hurry up, and you darted out the door so you would make it on time. You had held his hand as you dragged him along, sprinting around the last corner before the school and through the gates. 

“For someone that only lives a twenty minute walk from school, you almost always run late,” Toshiro had grumbled when you stopped to changed into your indoor shoes. “I should just leave without you.” 

“Maybe I wouldn’t have been late today if someone hadn’t snoozed my alarm,” you had replied, a little snarky. The captain had been annoyed by the chiming, but hadn’t thought to check that you had actually woken up before going back to making breakfast. 

Rangiku’s voice interrupted your thoughts. “[Name],” she called, and you glanced over as you shook off the excess water from a plate. Rangiku held up her phone to you. “Ikkaku and Yumichika are going to come by later. Is that okay?” 

You took it from her and glanced down at the screen. “I can go pick them up,” you said after reading the text asking where you lived. “They’re staying with Asano, right?” 

Rangiku shrugged as she grinned at you. “I’m not sure who that is.” 

“The one that Ikkaku almost pummelled when you first got here,” you laughed, handing her phone back to her after she nodded. “Is there anything you want me to pick up on the way?” 

Toshiro shook his head. “I’m not hungry.” 

“I’m good!” Rangiku chirped, raising her glass. 

“Then I’ll be back soon,” you said, smiling as you reached for your phone and pocketed it. Humming softly, you slid on a pair of sneakers and closed the door gently behind you as you wondered if you should pick up a watermelon on your way back, since Ikkaku could carry it for you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short little chapter that takes place when Toshiro and Momo are speaking in Orihime's living room. I've always had a soft spot for that moment in the series. Turns out I uploaded this onto Lunaescence but not here, so I fixed it.


	8. suffocating

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which your frustration gets the better of you, you nearly suffocate, and you're alone in a forest.

You sat with your Zanpakuto placed across your lap, your fingers running up and down along the sharp edge of the blade. 

“Homura,” you whispered, biting on your lip again. You tasted blood, metallic and warm on your tongue. Frustrated with the lack of progress with trying to open up a line of communication with Homura, you wrapped your hand tightly around the blade without really thinking. That had earned you a small whimper of pain when you realized what happened; the sharp metal had sliced almost straight to the bone of your hand. 

“Stupid,” you hissed at yourself. 

Toshiro looked over as he heard you whimper, and was shocked to see you holding a bloody hand to your chest. “[Name]? What did you do?” 

Shaking your head, you asked, “Do you have a handkerchief I could borrow?” 

Toshiro sifted through his pockets before standing up. In a few strides, he had come to your side and crouched next to you, pulling your bloodied hand towards him. “Idiot,” he muttered, wrapping the handkerchief around the cut tightly. “How did this happen?” 

You didn’t reply, but you didn’t have to. The blood pooled on the edge of your sword was enough. 

Toshiro noticed your hands were shaking, but from the pain or out of frustration, he wasn’t too sure; his gut told him it was mostly frustration. When he looked up from your wounded hand, your teeth were clenched tightly as tears welled up in your eyes.. 

“What good am I as a Shinigami if I can’t even speak to my Zanpakuto? Captain Hitsugaya,” you gasped softly, trying to hold back your sobs, “I feel lost.” 

He opened his mouth to speak, but before he could get a word in, the five of you felt almost crushed by an immense Reiatsu. 

“They’re here,” you whispered, looking towards the captain. A Garganta opened in the middle of the sky, revealing four Arrancar. 

You locked eyes with the blue-haired one. He had seemed disinterested in your group, hands shoved into his pockets, until he saw you. A slow grin spread across his face, and you felt a chill run down your spine. 

“Woman,” he spat, “you were with Kurosaki.” 

’Fuck,’ you thought, swallowing a piece of Soul Candy. You didn’t know how he knew you were friends with Ichigo, but you didn’t have time to question it as he disappeared, his Sonido bringing him right in front of you. You felt his hand clamp down around your neck and a sudden gush of wind went by you as you were slammed straight into a tree trunk. 

“Where is he?” the Arrancar smirked, fingers tightening around your neck. “I know you know where he is.” 

Your hands instinctively grabbed onto his arm, and you wheezed. “I… don’t,” you gasped, and you heard someone scream your name. It sounded far away, and you were too concerned about the fact that you were seeing stars dancing across your eyes to really wonder who it was. 

“Don’t lie to me,” he spat into your face. “I saw you in Ulquiorra’s memory; I know you know where Kurosaki is.” 

It took a moment for the name to click in your head, but you realized that this man was talking about the first two Arrancar that had invaded the World of the Living. Your vision was starting to blur—you’d pass out soon if you didn’t do anything. 

“ _Ye lord! Mask of blood and flesh, all creation, flutter of winds, ye who bears the name of Man!_ ” you wheezed almost inaudibly, fingers tightening around his arm. 

“The fuck are you saying, woman?” Grimmjow sneered, unable to hear your incantation clearly. 

“ _Inferno and pandemonium, the sea barrier surges, march on to the south!_ Hado number thirty-one: Shakkaho!” you shouted, a red light enveloping your hand for a moment. The red enveloped you as it shot out towards the blue-haired Arrancar’s arm. 

Grimmjow felt the warmth turn to a burning, even through his Hierro. To feel that through his outer skin meant that your spell was decently powerful. Just as you finished your incantation, he dropped your body, unwilling to let his only good arm get injured before he had a chance to destroy Kurosaki Ichigo. 

You felt arms wrap around your midsection, pulling you from the Arrancar as your Hado fired. Looking up, you watched as Toshiro looked around in search of somewhere to leave you, far away from the battle. 

“Sorry, Captain Hitsugaya,” you whispered, fisting his otherwise pristine haori as he brought you to a safer location. “Looks like I’m pretty useless,” you told him, eyes squeezing shut. 

He squeezed his arm around you. “Stop. This isn’t your fault.” 

Even though you nodded in understanding, you felt as though you were nearly biting through your lip. 

“Stay out of sight. I’ll come for you after.” 

You could’ve sworn you had felt his fingers brush your hair back, but it had been such a light touch that you probably imagined it. Before you could say anything else, though, Toshiro disappeared, leaving you alone on the forest floor. 

The feeling of uselessness overwhelmed you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wheeew it's been a long ass while since i've been able to touch anything i've been working on. but i haven't been able to get this fic off of my mind, and what better way to remedy that than to write for it?


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